Intimacy & Consciousness: Tantra As A Way of Life
by Sohini Genevieve and Carlo Pati
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In our Intimacy & Consciousness Program and the same online Tantra course, we are exploring the following eight themes (we have titled the paragraphs below by themes in case you would like to jump to a particular topic):
- 1) Love
- 2) Containment
3) Surrender
4) Lust
5) Pleasure
6) Bliss
7) Tantric Orgasm
8) Wholeness
- The program culminates with a Tantric Project and Celebration Ritual. In the following paragraphs, we will share with you in depth what each of these themes means to us and encourage you to reflect upon their meanings for yourselves. We title each paragraph in case you would like to explore a specific theme.
- LOVE
- For Carlo and I, we realize that the intimacy of connection only occurs for us when we are each embodying love. Our definition of love, as there are millions of definitions, is a state of being relaxed, present, open and feeling connected to all that is. Other characteristics are vast, quiet or silent and based in a sense of freedom, compassion and joy.
There is a deep acceptance of what is within us. Take some time to define what love and intimacy mean to you. Our whole society has been geared toward a romantic love that is based on a lack of love being fulfilled by someone else, rather than ourselves. We are all challenged by this romantic notion to fulfill each other's needs of insecurity in order to maintain the status quo for the rest of our lives. When we are expecting love from each other we are not free within ourselves; we are dependent and often helpless. We are looking for each other to fulfill us and we are hoping that the other can take away the feeling of self-hate we are experiencing in any given moment.
We have found that even when we give this so called love to each other it may bring the other person to a place of being more present in their body for a few moments but ultimately it fades away in a short time if we have not generated this love inside for ourselves and we are faced once again with the feeling we were attempting to avoid. The gauge for the level of love we are experiencing in our relationship is how we personally each treat ourselves with love from day to day. If we are caring for ourselves and feeling good in ourselves then we actually have something to share with each other. If not, we need to focus on this self-care and self-love and we need to pay attention to the self-talk or internal conversations we are having to come back to center. Once we come back to ourselves again and we have filled our own cup, it can spill over and flow between us as something greater than either of us. In this way, we are able to respond to ourselves by taking responsibility (response ability) for ourselves and the relationship.
Relationship for us means we love ourselves, we honor each other's unique individuality and we enjoy ourselves. We support each other to experience wholeness in the present moment. Bottom line we stand for consciousness and intimacy. When you commit to life partnership and to honoring each other's individuality, be prepared to be challenged with each other's acts of individuality. They exist to call you to love your partner as much as you love yourself and to love yourself as much as you love your partner.
When something bugs us about each other or gets triggered, we have agreed to stop and uncollapse what happened from the story we told ourselves about what happened. These are two distinct things that often converge and cause most conflict in relating. Both people have a story of their own about what happened and then react to the other based on that story instead of finding out from each other what happened and what they made it mean. Within minutes you can transform a potential lengthy fight into clarity and continue relating and creating together. This we learned from Landmark Education's Forum Course.
For example, I, Sohini, love to turn on the water in the sink full blast when I am washing dishes and splash around in it. Carlo used to think I was "making a mess". In a way, I was, but he was having a judgment about it. So he checked it out with me and I told him how much fun I have in the water when it is flowing fast and full and that it reminds me of being out in nature and makes me happy. His listening of me and what I was doing after I told him that transformed completely and now he enjoys my expression and my spirit (as long as I clean it up after so he can come to a clean and splash free sink!). Potentially, every time one of us does something to "bug" the other it can be taking energy away from the relationship or building the connection. Ultimately, we consider that each of our intentions are good and sometimes may get expressed negatively.
Looking at it together can take moments and radically shift our perception of each other. For us, love is not based on people's actions. You can love a person and still disagree with their actions and say so. There's no need to give explanations or reasons unless they solicit them from you or if you ask them permission to do so. When we base our love on each other's actions then what happens is we get stuck being busy with reacting and arguing instead of taking a stand and stating what we stand for.
Example, I used to make some things that my sister did cause me to feel less love for her. This was based on her actions. I realized that I was miserable and it was costing me my relationship with her and my love for her. I got that I absolutely love her. I just disagreed with her actions and I told her both in that order. That was me talking and not withholding my love from her. She is then free to be however she is. It's her life, not mine. I shared how I saw things and what I envisioned for her and she heard me and felt loved at the same time. Consciously choosing where you stand with another person spares you both from going into reaction and in the extreme case hate.
CONTAINMENT
Next comes Health. Our description of heath is the circulation of energy through the practice of containment. Energy is circulated in the body through the breath, through the blood, through the bones, through the nerves, through the muscles, through the connective tissue and through an unseen field of energy within and surrounding our bodies that is connected to all that is. We use the breath as a vehicle to carry oxygen and life force to every cell. We also breath deeply to bring the attention of our mind into the sensation of the body. There are several breath meditations that we do in our seminars to cultivate the experience of health and the containment of energy.
Another application of circulation and containment is the ability to experience the full range of emotion and allow it to remain within you and transform without getting dumped on to our partner. There are also practices to experience this sense of energy circulation and containment together. Once you learn to understand your body's capacity to hold a high frequency of energy within it, you are able to relax into this state of being where there are many benefits to your health. Specific practices that we teach include Opening The Inner Flute (Margot Anand), The Cobra Breath (Shunyata), The Fire Breath Orgasm Active Meditation (Quidoshka Native American Sexual Teachings), The Quantum Light Breath Active Meditation (Jeru Kabbal) and The Wave of Bliss (Margot Anand). The health benefits include irrigating all of your organs, freeing yourself from bodily tension, accessing a deeper state of relaxation and sleep, stabilizing your emotions after clearing them with awareness, transforming a negative state of mind, experiencing an energy that is greater than you even to the extent of Awakening the Kundalini.
SURRENDER
This brings us to the third theme of Surrender to that which is greater (whatever that means to you) through meditation and ritual. This is where we teach people to create a sacred space within themselves through such breath practices that fill your body with life force and to create a sacred space surrounding themselves that reflects the nature of their unique spirit. This includes designing an environment for yourself that represents your essence and is inspiring to you on a daily basis. This space within and without is where meditation and ritual take place and can be a special room in your house for Tantric Practice or a small alter that symbolizes your focal point in life for the commitments you choose.
Some items on your sacred space list may include meditation cushions, a beautiful cloth to put down underneath you or the two of you, flowers, candles, fresh water to drink, massage oil, lubricant, pillows, a heater, art that inspires you, incense or essential oils, a symbol of your intention and a photo of an enlightened Master. Your sacred space may depend on the lineage or heritage you come from or it may be a unique creation. Students who have come to our seminars have created sacred spaces from the following traditions: Native American (different tribes), Indian, African, Catholic, Christian, New Age, Irish, and many others. Base your sacred space on what inspires you.
We use many Osho Meditations (active and passive) in our seminars that allow each person to express and release what they are holding onto in their minds and bodies and to reach a state of let go within themselves where they are actually able to surrender and be able to receive their own wisdom while feeling connected to all that is. It's amazing what a one hour meditation can do for you, especially when you give yourself to it totally.
Rituals for us are based on a rite of passage into a state of consciousness. They take you out of an ordinary state of being into an extraordinary state of being aware and present with yourself and another or others. They can mark the beginning, middle and ending of a weekly Tantric Practice together. They can be very simple and create the safe container for trust to be present in a weekend seminar or a private session. Examples of this include toning the sound Aum together or sharing a Heart Salutation or Namaste where you put your hands together in front of your heart and bow forward to greet, recognize and honor each other. In a longer ritual, there would be a specific theme such as completing your home play practice for the week. Before the practice, you both set your intention, speak your fears and boundaries and share what you appreciate about each other the most before entering into the practice. Then, you may do a Chakra Balancing exercise before or after the practice and end spooning together after having shared your final Heart Salutation. More extensive rituals may last an evening, a whole day or weekend or honor passages such as being single, new relationship, anniversaries, births, deaths, work-related, family or the various stages of life.
LUST
Once we have set the tone of self-love, containment and creating space within your body and around you then there is enough safety within which to explore the more primal energies of lust and desire. This is where we allow ourselves to experience our animal nature through movement exploration, breath and sound. Both challenging and liberating, we leave our mind behind and become immersed in the heat, sensation and wildness of what it means to be animal. First, relating on our own, we discover our habitat anew and see things from a different view from our everyday lives. Then, we explore how it is to relate with other animals of different species. In a sense we are on a shamanic journey to become one with our power animal, to know its strength and weakness and to defend our own territory to the point of life and death. A surge of energy is unleashed through this guided movement meditation and exploration, especially when we experience being threatened by other animals, hungry, hibernating or mating.
Accessing our fear and allowing it to be present can afford us a deep and healing transformation if we are met with the consciousness and safety within which to hold it and be with it as it passes through. We are well known for our ability to be present with whatever energies emerge and to teach people to hold their center through their breath, their bodies and through using the conduit of sound to transport the vibration. Always students can choose what they will or will not participate and we encourage and support them to voice their Yes's and their No's. However, our classes and sessions are designed to have you face whatever it is you need to face or have been avoiding, whether it is love or anger, sadness or joy. It's these crucial points where transformation is possible and where we can choose to be conscious in the present moment or reacting to our past again.
Then, we take time to feel what it is we truly desire in our bodies and in our love lives and we allow our sex and our heart to speak for us without censor. We look at all the conversations in our heads that stop us from having our heart's desire. We listen to what our bodies want and we learn to let them guide us. We have found through working with many students that most sexual problems are actually communication blocks. All the things that we have wanted to say out loud that we have held back cause us to go over our own boundaries physically or sexually. When we have the self-esteem or confidence to speak up our truth then we become co-creators in the experience we are having rather than ending up victims with "sexual problems". This speaking of our true desires in a stream of consciousness fashion allows us to clear our throats, listen to the messages of our hearts and bodies and begin to hear our own voices speak the truth. And when we don't have the courage to speak up, we can let our sex or heart speak for us. They are often much clearer that we are at communicating. Try it. Tune in. Ask your heart what it has to tell you right now and listen. Then speak what it is saying to you out loud. You'll be surprised and refreshed and you may feel sad or feelings you haven't felt in a long time. The heart's purpose is to allow the space for whatever is present to exist and pass through it until it is empty of the past, vast and full of love.
PLEASURE
Once we have explored the raw qualities of the animalistic nature of lust and our withheld desires, we journey into the realm of the senses and explore what pleasure is, what it means to us, how it feels. Through touch, smell, taste, sound and sight we open new doorways to consciousness by finding out that heightening each sense separately allows us to relax and become present to this moment and to this sensation. We learn to communicate verbally and non-verbally how something feels, smells, tastes, sounds and looks. We discover the language of pleasure and how to follow the current of pleasure in our bodies and allow it to expand and encompass every cell. The focus moves into deep relaxation and an opening to closer intimacy occurs through sharing in this way. We not only find out what we like and don't like we learn how to communicate this kindly to anyone and especially to our partner. We move from negative criticism to positive direction and actually being able to receive what we have always desired.
BLISS
Here is where the envelop of our body's capacity to hold energy expands and we move into the experience of bliss. We learn to access our ecstatic nature through movement and breath on a very subtle level. We use our breath to spread our energy from our sex throughout our body and to the brain. We learn to breath into the energy centers within our bodies and charge them, discharging what we no longer need or that which comes from the past which can only get in the way of the present. We gain the ability to access this state of being after some practice loosening up our spines and learning to let go of tension in the body.
I have seen hundreds of students attain this state of being within minutes of breath and bodywork. This does not happen for everyone the first time. It's like riding a bike though and once you get it, you've got it. We take the beginner steps and then soon you are cruising through your own energy system and learning to align your breath and movement with a partner while looking into each other's eyes. Then, we are once again surrendering to that which is greater than both of us and that cannot be described in words. Apply this to love-making and you are experiencing the purpose for us all being on this planet, to attain such union with each other. There is nothing like it. It is as if you are swimming and floating together at the same time and all of you is connected together with your partner: body, heart and soul. You learn to sit up facing each other where one of you or the woman sits on the lap of the man while making love. This position you may have seen in Tibetan Thanka Paintings or Statues. It is called Yab Yum and literally means father/mother in union, the ambrosia of their love surrounding them and touching all that is.
TANTRIC ORGASM
How can we go beyond bliss, you might ask? Through Tantric Orgasm. This is where your giving and receiving of pleasure becomes a total body experience and you surrender into deep relaxation at the height of your sexual arousal which is sustained over time for hours. To get to this place, we teach people the Multi Orgasmic Response Ecstasy Training for Women and Men, now called The Art of Orgasm. Each partner gets a turn directing and receiving the pleasure that they will receive. It starts with a full body massage and then moves to the genitals where the giver gives several strokes already learned and the receiver gives feedback verbally according to physical sensation and in language that is sensory based while both keep eye contact to remain conscious throughout this practice. Through breathing the receiver is able to take in more and more energy and sensation and the giver is able to stay present and relaxed while giving. Emotions may surface and pass through but both keep their focus on the breath and the present moment, with the awareness that the purpose of these memories is to take energy away from you out of fear of being hurt and that right now in this moment nothing is happening except the giving and receiving of pleasure. You may want to pause or stop moving, however you want to keep physical contact so that the body knows there is conscious touch present which will allow healing. What happens in these sessions is the energy that would normally be built up and discharged in the pelvis spreads throughout the entire body and puts you in an altered state of being. This state of being has been described as fulfilled, connected, deep trust, love, one, vast, gratitude.
WHOLENESS
Finally, we come full circle to experiencing our wholeness which is how we see all people in the first place, recognizing that within each person there exists an essence which cannot be destroyed or damaged no matter what their life circumstances. We seek to reflect and cultivate this in all people. We culminate this program and online course with a Tantric Project that you personally choose to take on in your life and a Celebration Ritual.
© Kreative World 2004
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Carlo Pati and Sohini Genevieve of Kreative World are committed to providing programs and sessions that awaken bring deep nurturing and healing to your life while exploring new realms of Love, Sex And Consciousness. Carlo and Sohini have taught over 60 seminars and over 1000 students and have been in relationship for 9 1/2 years longer than most Tantra teaching couples. They offer seminars and counseling sessions. For more info e-mail: info@kreativeworld.com. Call 707 761-3265 for a free 15 minute intimacy strategy session or to register for an event or online course. If you are ready to go, set up an appointment for a session or series of sessions in person or by phone.
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